David Ortiz is retiring, and that's just fine with me. There was that little matter of The Incident Which Shall Not Be Mentioned back in the 2013 ALCS, but it goes beyond that. David Ortiz has been a bona fide Tiger Killer throughout his career, and I know it's nothing personal because, let's face it, David Ortiz has been a Killer of All Pitchers throughout his career, but you know what? It is personal. Enjoy your victory lap in 2016, Big Papi, you big old jerk-faced dinky jerk stinker poopy-head.
(Why couldn't Benoit have started him out with a fastball?