Portsmouth can have ’em back.
Wait - no they can’t. Because the Detroit Lions, formerly the Spartans of Portsmouth, Ohio, are on the cusp of greatness. As a lifelong idio- er, Lions fan, my extrasensory perception tells me a Super Bowl victory will happen with Matthew Stafford playing quarterback. The team will solve the problems with its swiss-cheese offensive line, melted-butter defense and black-hole running game, and go on to glory. Soon. Soon, I tell you. Soon.
Well, at least before the heat death of the universe happens. On that timeline, a few centuries add up to just a blip.