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MLS expansion, US Soccer’s deep pockets, and more: Freedom Kicks for 5/5/2017

It’s Cinco de Mayo, which means people here in the US are going to go too hard and act a fool. I have some experience in going out to watering holes and acting like an unhinged lunatic while not wronging people or going to jail, so here’s some advice:

  1. This isn’t Mexico’s July 4th. Their independence day is September 16th.
  2. Don’t drink Corona. It tastes like sulphur. I know their ads are seductive. Don’t drink Corona.
  3. If you’re not an experienced drunk, today is not the day to push your limits. All hell will be breaking loose at many bars, and you’re going to have a more difficult time getting home and avoiding things like injury or stray vomit.