See that? This is a ransom note for Brandon Moss’ 100th homer of his career. But unfortunately for him, the ball ended up in the clutches of piranha-like bullpen evildoers who used this happy moment for their own materialistic gain.
All the demands are fairly reasonable (well, as reasonable as one could relatively be when you’re making a high six-figures on the low end), until you get to Scrabble. Not only did he double-dip (FOR SHAME!), his secondary request was…
(Hold on, let me squint closer.)
Yup. Lube. Loads of it. Enough to turn his whole house into a Slip-‘n-Slide.