If the inherent marginalization of the phrases in my header may have turned a few of you off already, I’m sorry. Actually, no, I’m not. Ideally, it just conjured up images of Chris Farley as Bennett Brauer and you bit those words off with gusto, pantomiming mental air-quotes as you read them.
Listen, I’d love nothing more than to write about how Aroldis Chapman threw seven pitches at or over 104 mph in his last outing with the Yankees and how he threw four such pitches in his previous appearance. And that’s after topping that mark only three previous times in his career.