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Kyle Schwarber Is (Still) the Best Defensive Player in Baseball

Some of y’all might know this, and some of y’all don’t
Some of y’all might be with this, and some of y’all won’t
But listen, let me clear my throat

I can lead a horse to cheap store-brand Kool-Aid, but I can’t always make it drink the stuff. So when I dropped a little tongue-in-cheek knowledge about Kyle Schwarber’s much-improved defense, it flew over a few heads like a misjudged line drive. But hey, not everyone can cook with a deadpan.

That’s why, in the interest of full disclosure, I feel I should admit right away here that Schwarber is not actually the best defensive player in baseball.