Ladies and gentlemen, I’m getting a sketchy story down here outside of Tampa. I’m hearing a story about a group of men on the north side of Chicago. They were last seen wearing pinstripes and they are apparently armed and dangerous. Some have said these men have been impersonating the Cubs. One Derek Shelton declined to be interviewed for this story, but apparently he said the path of destruction was as surprising as it was immense. He and his friends were last seen running for the airport looking to get out of town as fast as humanly possible.
All kidding aside, what was that?