[“ALL BY MYSELF” by Celine Dion blares over the PA]
[A GROUP OF PEOPLE SITS AROUND A CONFERENCE TABLE, SHROUDED IN DARKNESS]
CURT APSEY: Hello, everyone. I have called this meeting of the Bronco SuperFriends in order to resolve our latest crisis.
LEON RICE: Look, I’m telling you guys next season is gonna be WAY better…
APSEY: No, Leon, I mean football crisis. We’ve lost Coach Avalos to the Evil Empire.
DAVID AUGUSTO: Holy crap, KTVB hired him?
APSEY: What? No, the University of Oregon. Who let you in here anyway?