Welcome to Best 11, your weekly recap of the MLS slate that didn’t include God’s Team, Atlanta United. All quotes hereto are definitely made up but it’s way more fun to pretend like they’re real. This will be dumb. But maybe also informative? Like most things on this site, you’ll likely end up saying just like one commenter did so long ago: This was a waste of time. Nothing here folks.

1. Rzatkowski’s Symphony

Sporting KC were on track towards a massive 2-1 win in a clash between two of the league’s best teams before someone name Marc Rzatkowski came on TO PLAY THE GREATEST EIGHT MINUTES OF SOCCER OF HIS LIFE.