To whom it may concern in the National League (and sometimes the American League too):
So, you want to pitch to Ronald Acuña Jr., eh? Well, first, let me say that I’d advise against doing so. You know what they say: overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer. Still game? Sure we can’t convince you otherwise? Holding up the four-fingered sign is a lot easier... and a lot less painless. Well, you’re the boss. Let’s get down to business, then.
You look like a smart person, with means and baseball knowledge. So I guess that I don’t have to tell you that you really don’t want to pitch to Ronald Acuña Jr.