Dear Gus,
I’m writing you this with a heavy heart, knowing that you won’t handle this news well. I’ve called Kristi and the girls to go over to your one bedroom apartment, and I’m hoping they’re there when you read this…oh come on, let’s stop pretending Kri-Kri didn’t kick you to the curb after the Jacksonville State game. But enough about your sad marital situation, back to us…or rather, the lack of us. It’s just not working for me anymore, and I think we need to stop seeing each other.
As you may have noticed, we’ve been slowly growing apart for some time now.