[In case you're wondering what the hell this is... Myself and Mrs. S are having a rare Saturday night out, and apparently, so are all the other SnakePit writers. Rather than leave you entirely stranded, we bring you a generic recap, featuring a best guess at things that may have happened in a game this season. With due acknowledgement to Azreous's infamous Mad Libs recap, though this one is more a function of necessity than artistic license!]
The Diamondbacks faced the [insert team] at Chase Field tonight, before a crowd of hundreds .