10. Mike Slive: "Hey! Spurrier forgot the chips back at the hotel for his buffalo chicken dip, you guys."
9. Derrick Dooley: "Okay. Who put Houston Nutt's chin in my nachos?"
8. Les Miles: "I lost my cell phone in the big wavy water thingee out there."
7. All coaches introduced to new Ole Miss head coach, Hugh Freeze: "Hey, you're the coach from the Blind Side! What are you doing here?"
6. Gary Pinkel: "Ah, come on, you guys. Really. Missouri is in the SEC now. Did you not see it all over ESPN?"
Will Muschamp and Nick Saban: [Snickering] "Hee hee. Houston Nutt does the best Punk'd stuff now that he ain't coaching anymore."
5. James Franklin: [Whispering in phone] "Psssshhhhh. Can we get you a new car and your mama a house? Dude, it's Franky! What street does she want that house built so I'll know where to have that Thunderbird delivered. [Pauses] Naw, baby. It's got new wheels and the mileage is good. Throw for 2,500 yards and 20 touchdowns and we'll talk about that Bentley."
4. Dan Mullen: "Who do I talk to about this? I'm with the SEC Spring Meetings and they said we would be promised a room. Why am I not in your system?"
Mike Slive: "Ummmmm. Dan? Would you mind seeing me right over here in the lobby for just one second?"
3. John Calipari: "Like I was telling you all earlier... I like to develop men who accomplish great things in a short length of time, but not in a short amount of work. You see.... there comes a time when I have to tell my players that they...." [Crowd drools as they snore]
2. Mark Richt: [On phone] "You did what? Did they say how long you'd have to stay? You can think about what you did during our season opener versus Buffalo. I hope you know how much you've let the team down. What time will you post bail today?"
1. Bobby Petrino: "Hi. My name is Bobby Petrino. You may remember me from such seasons highlight DVDs as High on the Hog -- The 2011 Arkansas Football Season. Or maybe you'll remember the 2012 Spring practice DVD titled, Hire A Dude. Trust Me."
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