I’ve had a tough time trying to write about the Celtics. It is hard to watch past halftime in the games I have seen this season. It seems like every possession Rajon Rondo is running the floor by himself, followed by a fast break the other way. Danny Ainge is going nuts trying to sell off the team. Doc Rivers looks lost with the shortened season, often still playing with a short bench (where has Greg Steimsma been?). My outlook on the Celtics prior to the All-Star break was bleak to say the least. But, as any self-respecting optimist can do, I have convinced myself that they actually have a chance to win this season; to quote the largemouth bass that is Mark Cuban: “Just get us to the playoffs.” The Celtics have a chance against anyone if they can just make it to the playoffs in one piece.
In order to prove that I am not a crazy person for having a modicum of belief in the Celtics, I am counting on the Celtics to win this Sunday Knicks/Celtics game. It’s about time that they prove to me that they are still able to win when it counts, and a nationally televised game is good enough for me. So let’s get started.
First Quarter, 11:56 remaining: The game starts! Jeremy Lin touches the ball for the first time and the crowd goes nuts booing. Linsanity appears to have turned the corner from support to backlash. Despite the fact that he is probably the fourth best player on the team, and possibly fifth with Baron Davis coming back, he gets all the credit or blame for what his team does. The opposing crowds aren’t going to let a single turnover or missed shot sneak by. Any other night I’d feel for the guy, but tonight the Celts need all the help they can get.
11:06: Hustle from Kevin Garnett getting a rebound off of a Brandon Bass miss. It’s a good sign for the Green when Garnett’s knees are working, which has been a rarity since 2008.
10:00: Horrible teardrop attempt by Lin. He almost air balled it from the baseline. The fans let him hear it. I am surprised he doesn’t curl up in the fetal position at half court with that many people cheering for his failures.
9:36: Celtics get two blocks, one a huge athletic play by Garnett.
9:05: ANOTHER BLOCK BY GARNETT, this time on Lin. Maybe he’s been going to Kobe’s mostly-legal German platelet-rich plasma therapist over the All-Star Break. Whatever he is doing, he should keep doing it.
8:34: Lin gets his second foul, so Davis comes in and nails a three. If Davis gets into this game, or this season, the Knicks could take a huge leap. Lin is pretty good, but Davis can be a superstar when he is not packing on the pounds and being all depressed. He could be New York’s Jason Kidd to Lin’s J.J. Barrea if his head is in the right place.
5:05: Rondo doing his Rondo thing where he ignores the other 4 guys on the floor and tries to beat the whole other team to the basket. He takes a scoop shot with his ten foot long arms and misses. There’s the good ‘ol Celtics offense I’ve been missing!
Timeout Commercial Update: Blake Griffin commercials are totally random and totally hilarious. He walks that fine line between funny and uncomfortable. I really couldn’t tell you which car company they are for, though.
1:39: The Celtics second unit is looking more like your run of the mill YMCA squad. A quick turnover leads to a dunk by Chinese refugee JR Smith. I am glad he took whatever this is off his head.
1:18: First points for the Celtics in the past four minutes. I sure hope this second unit gets better. Maybe Doc should play some of the draft picks from the past 4 years…
0:45: Has there ever been a more stupid signature shot than Kevin Garnett’s frustrating college 3 pointer? He makes it at a pretty decent percent… for 3 pointers. If he could just extend that range like 3 feet, those shots would be worth taking all day, but from one step inside three, it is not the shot you want.
0:28: A Steve Novak three-pointer makes commentator Hubie Brown look really stupid. “Davis should have shot that [contest layup]…” (Wide open three swish) “Well you are putting a lot of pressure on him to shoot a high percent”. You have to love when the announcers look stupid.
0:5.7: Keyon Dooling long two pointer goes in. Why don’t the Celtics just see what these young guys can do?? They get almost no time in the game, but the Celtics really need a good sixth man to step up. They should have 1 game where they just play the young guys and Rondo. See who steps up and give them game minutes. Granted, Doc sees them in practice so he probably knows what he is doing, but please, one of them has to be decent.
End of the First Quarter: The Celtics built up a lead, but quickly saw it disappear. I am already turning cynical.
Second Quarter, 11:25 remaining: That Novak character is quite a good 3 point shooter. Perhaps someone on the Celtics should guard him.
10:43: Lin makes a fade away shot with the Dirk knee. The crowd goes nuts? I don’t understand what is going on with him.
10:24: Announcer Mike Tarico is describing the way the Knicks are playing as “joy.” What does that even mean? I am sometimes overcome with joy, but rarely is “joy” how I play basketball.
9:00: That may be the first successful post-up of the game by the Celtics, and it comes from a Garnett mismatch. The Celtics are still missing that little bit from Perkins. He wasn’t great on offense, but he would have his 2-3 offensive boards and 3-4 easy post-ups a game. That’s all the Celtics need from their center.
Timeout Commercial Update: Let’s bet on the over/under for episodes of ABC’s new show GCB a.k.a. Desperate Housewives South. I’m setting it at 8.5 episodes, but I would probably take the under on that. It looks terrible.
8:16: There’s a highlight play by Lin. Half-court alley-oop to Iman Shumpert. That’s the kind of play that can ignite a team and silence a crowd.
7:48: WHAT IS GOING ON!!! Some of the most insane and poorly executed basketball in the last 30 seconds: Pierce falls down and turns the ball over to Jared Jeffries, followed by a Lin pass to Iman Shumpert who catches it and panics, throwing it right back to the Celts. Rondo proceeds to try to do his own Lin alley-oop impression, but forgets the Celtics are old and throws a turnover ball to Peirce who drops it off right to Jeffries, and finally Sumpert’s crosscourt pass goes right out of bounds. In that mess there were 3 turnovers in 7 seconds. I really don’t even understand. I wish I had a DVR right now…
7:27: Another missed Garnett 22 footer. Hammer home the point big guy.
6:33: Bass turnover, fast break layup, Pierce turnover, Lin turnover. Let check this: 7 turnovers, 1 minute 40 seconds. I’m going to have a seizure soon from all this camera panning.
6:00: Chandler offensive board/dunk. The Celtics have no size and it is sad. Too early to turn it off? No, Clarke, stay positive!
3:46: Apparently Bass is the only person that can score on the Celtics, and none of them can defend. They are getting chewed up through a steady deluge of Knick’s deep shots and passes in to open guys on the baseline. They are about as good at defending their land as the French. Get me to half time. Celtics down by 10 and not looking good.
3:20: “If there is a weakness in Rondo’s game, it is his foul shooting.” Sorry Hubie, I think it is mentally checking out of games, inability to shoot jump shots, and then foul shooting. Danny Ainge: “But wait, no, NBA GMs he’s really good! I promise!”
0:35: Allen takes an awkward air ball 3. Just get me to halftime, please!! I need a break from the turnovers. While I am writing this, Anthony travels and there’s another one.
Halftime: It’s not looking good for the Celtics, but this has been their modus operandi for the season. It seems like every game they get down by 15-20 by halfway through the 3rd quarter. Then they slowly mount a comeback that puts them within 5 halfway through the 4th. That is quickly followed by a flurry of points for the opposition and a 10 point loss for the Celtics.
In the meantime, I have been using the Trade Machine on ESPN to construct a trade for Rondo. My favorite is a 3 way between the Celtics, Lakers, and Rockets. The Celtics send Rondo and Jermaine O’Neal’s expiring contract to the Lakers, the Lakers send Pau Gasol and Steve Blake to the Rockets, and the Rockets send Luis Scola, Kyle Lowry, and the punishment of Hasheem Thabeet’s contract, which should promptly be amnestied by the Celtics. The only team I see denying this trade would be the Rockets, but their love for Pau knows no boundaries. So who knows, they might accept. I guess the Celtics should trade Rondo, but his value has been so diminished by his head-case problems that the Celtics will get at most 70 cents on the dollar for him.
Third Quarter, 11:15 remaining: Aaaaand we’re back. Pierce makes a driving lay-up under pressure on a fast break. The Celtics always look good right out of breaks. Give them about two minutes before they get tired.
10:14: KG takes a 22-footer. BANG. No, that wasn’t the sound of it going in. That was him hammering my point home.
9:52: Lin makes a fade-away layup. Wait, that sentence contradicts itself. How did he do that?
8:49: Ray misses a three, Rondo rebounds and dishes to Pierce, who drains the 3 to tie it at 60. Let’s get some brief stat updates:
NY point guard turnovers (Lin + Davis): 9
Boston point guard turnovers (Rondo + Avery Bradley): 3
KG 20+ footers: 0/5
Rondo Jumpers Taken: 0
8:06: Rondo decided that he will just play one on five since no one else wants to run. After one fast break layup, a second coast-to-coaster misses. The patented Celtics one man fast break is definitely not the best way to run an offense. They need another guy on the floor that has a little speed to accompany Rondo.
7:38: GARNETT 22 FOOTER GOES IN! One for six now!
7:05: The following is why Jeremy Lin is, well, Jeremy Lin: tosses an easy turnover to Pierce, who takes it coast to coast immediately followed then a beautiful teardrop off the backboard. You never know if it is going to be a ridiculous shot or another wild pass to no one.
6:48: Garnett 20 footer misses. Oh well, there goes the streak.
6:15: Garnett desperation 22 footer misses of course, but Chris Wilcox grabs the offensive board and tip in. Wilcox has got some good size to him. Maybe we can just call him Perk Junior if Doc has decided to never play Steimsma again.
3:47: Mike Tarico says Mickael Peitrus has time to “read David Sterns name on the ball” before missing the three pointer. Oh ho Tarico. You slay me with your wit.
3:13: Rondo nails a jumper! That is his first jumper of the game. His shot is good when he’s feeling it, which you know he is with 14 assists, 13 points, 9 rebounds. One more rebound for a solid triple double.
2:29: Uh oh, reporting that Bass tweaked an ankle. That’s a huge loss for the Celtics right now.
1:56: Pierce nails a 3 pointer with two men in his face off of a Rondo pass. Rondo looked towards Peitrus and decides to awkwardly spin around until Pierce meanders his way down the court. A quick catch and shoot gives the biggest lead of the game at 78-65. 4 points, 5 rebounds, 7 assists for Rondo in this quarter. Danny Ainge: “Hey NBA GMs, see he is really good! Turn off the TV now!”
0:47: I don’t even know what Hubie is saying anymore. He’s not even making coherent sentences. I’d rather listen to this guy any day.
End of the Third Quarter: an NBA commercial of Rondo diving for a rolling ball advertising the fact that some players don’t know how to slow down. Danny Ainge: “Yes NBA GMs, Rondo always plays hard! He definitely never checks out of games!”
Sideline Reporter and potential Pulitzer finalist Heather Cox going for the big scoop here: “The Celtics exploded in the third quarter, what turned it around?” Well, I’ll take that one. They made some baskets and played some defense. Thanks for the interview!
Fourth Quarter, 11:10 remaining: Ray Allen and Smith both get technical fouls. Allen was basically just laughing while JR pushed and yelled. You can’t T up Jesus Shuttlesworth!
10:08: Shumpert makes a huge dunk and yells right into Garnett’s face. Another T on the Knicks. I have a feeling this game is going get a little chippy from here on out, and that favors the Celtics. You can’t play like joy and be mad at the same time.
9:44: Rondo takes a jumper and… oh yeah that’s why he doesn’t shoot. But a foul on Jeffries on the rebound gives the Celtics the ball back. The whistles are getting a workout.
9:15: Garnett steps inside to make a layup instead of shooting the 20 footer. Celtics 85-78.
8:20: Rondo rebound for triple-double number 4 of the season. Danny Ainge: “See NBA GMs! He is still really good! But you really don’t need to see any more, right?”
7:30: A huge Allen three pointer off of Rondo’s 17th assist. He is the best catch and shoot player ever.
7:03: Here’s the Play by play:
Carmelo Anthony misses layup
Anthony offensive rebound
Anthony misses layup
Anthony offensive rebound
Anthony misses layup
Anthony offensive rebound
Paul Pierce foul on Anthony.
It looks like the Celtics may need a center after all. Maybe give Steimsma a chance to play?
6:04: Bass is back. Upon return he gets a huge block on an ‘Amar’e Stoudamire layup. Hubie says it should have been a foul but who cares what he thinks. He no talk English. Look, he’s got me doing it now.
Aaand the NBA trade machine has distracted me. Hold on while I focus again. I’m trying to find a way where the Suns get Garnett and the Celtics get Steve Nash and Pau. A guy can dream, right?
3:44: KG has still got some jump left in those knees well into the fourth as he gets a board and puts it back. Huge rebound for the Celtics, now leading 94-89.
3:03: Melo does his iso-thing, destroying the Knicks tempo, and misses a closely guarded long two pointer.
2:36: Lin loses the ball but steals it back and gets to the rim for a layup.
2:24: Lin dishes and gets it back wide open for 3. Nails it. The crowd audibly groans. Lin has scored the Knicks’ last 6 points, and the celebratory flying side-bumps commence as the Celtics call timeout. This is ridiculous. Prior to the layup he had 7 points, 6 turnovers, and 2 assists, but I can’t help but think the Celtics are going to blow this game and let Lin do it to them. Celtics 96-95.
1:51: Pierce nails a jumper.
1:38: Melo hits a layup. I’m starting to sweat.
1:23: Rondo misses a layup. Danny Ainge: “At least he tried to get to the rim in the last couple of minutes of a game, right NBA GMs??”
1:05: Melo hits a layup. I’m panicking now.
0:55: Pierce hits a jumper. This is stressing me out.
0:35: Melo hits a jumper. Boston immediately calls a timeout. Hooo, catch your breath for a second. Knicks 101-100. I bet the Celtics run a Pierce isolation play.
29.9: Hey look, it’s a Pierce iso, but he falls down and has to use the last Boston timeout. What play do you think they are going to run now? Possibly a Pierce iso…
18.8: Another terrible play for Pierce, and he finishes it with a 22 foot fade-away and a hand in his face. Misses, but for some reason the Knicks call timeout after the rebound. Looks like it is gonna be Ray-Ray time.
4.9: After 2 Novak free throws Rondo brings it down. Ray tries to get open but can’t. JR Smith falls down on Garnett and Garnett gets the ball. He throws a nice moving ball screen for Pierce. Pierce gets the ball and does his patented pump fake & draw a foul move. Except right before the shot he remembers the pump fake jump into defender play is now illegal in the NBA, so he just decides to NAIL THE THREEEEEEE. 103-103. I’m going nuts!
0:00: Lin passes it off to Anthony who takes a decent shot and it misses!!!! Overtime. Celtics have all the momentum. This game feels huge and like all of America is watching.
4:25: Stoudamire makes an easy 5 footer for 2. This is turning into play by play.
4:08: Garnett gets the ball in the post and finds Rondo for the easy layup underneath. Good things happen when the Celtics get the ball inside, but the problem is Garnett loves those 20 footers instead of posting up.
3:33 Pierce block, Anthony rebound and miss, Rondo rebound. Rondo finds Allen wide open, and the entire building knows it is going in. The cheering starts on release. Call the game now: it’s over.
3:13 Rondo snags the steal from Melo. He leaves a sweet behind the back pass for Allen to layup. Rondo needs that second guy running with him, and when he has him it is always exciting. Rondo has 20 assists. Timeout Knicks, 110-105.
43.9: Fast forward and… Rondo makes 2 free throws. Chandler gets the board on a Melo 3, dishes it to Melo who gets REJECTED by KG. It’s an excellent sign when he still has fresh legs in overtime! After a couple misses, Pierce gets the board and the Knicks… give up? No foul? OK, I guess the Celtics will take it.
0:00: After a little screwing around the Celtics put it away, 115-111. Rondo puts on a clinic with 18 points, 17 rebounds, and 20 assists to only 4 turnovers in 48 minutes. Lin’s line is 14-4-5 with 6 turnovers in 32 minutes. Looks like Rondo wins the battle between overrated (Lin) and underrated (Rondo). My faith is resorted. That is, until Danny Ainge blows up the team after this Rondo showcase. Oh well.
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