For those 'Bama fans treating this week as just another Saturday on the journey to New Orleans and a possible rematch with LSU -- BE WARNED!
Need I warn you about 1989, 2002, and 2009? I shouldn't have to do so!
The first of the three above mentioned years saw a perfect season ruined, the second of the three saw an overmatched Auburn make a once-dominant Alabama team look pedestrian, and the third nearly sent 'Tide fans jumping from the nearest bridge. Thanks to Julio Jones, Greg McElroy, Trent Richardson, and Roy Upchurch the nightmare ended and Alabama narrowly escaped with victory and eventually the national title.
[caption id="attachment_314" align="alignright" width="300" caption="This image should bring 'Bama fans back to earth and realize Iron Bowl week is ALWAYS big. "]
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Iron Bowl week is a week in which we should all bask. Whether your rooting interests lie in Opelika or Tuscaloosa, there are enough great memories from this series to keep you going all week. Actually, based on conversations regarding the game in April or July, there are enough memories to keep you occupied year 'round.
The Iron Bowl has seen its share of games that had such a lasting impact on the state of Alabama that they named the games like they were pieces of art -- Oh, yeah, they have been painted onto canvas and called art. There's Run in the Mud, Punt Bama Punt, The Kick, and The Drive.
I can name 10 reasons off the top of my head why Pat Dye and his beagles were sent by Satan himself to torture some Alabama fan that didn't pay up on a soul purchase transaction.
[caption id="attachment_315" align="alignleft" width="204" caption="Pat Dye was way ahead of his time as confirmed by this 1991 Facebook profile photo. "]
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The stains you saw on the Legion Field turf in the 1980s that resembled puddles of water were not water stains at all. No. They were tobacco-stained spittoons that browned from years of projected chaw spit from the pursed lips of one Mr. Pat Dye. I wouldn't be surprised if his beagles didn't pee on the field. Them beagles didn't have class.
So here we are. This started as a post about how Alabama fans need to be focused on Auburn and the great rivalry that can sometime tear out our hearts. But what happens in the end is the same day after day. One fan just bashes the other team and they can't stop themselves.
I mean, don't get me wrong. Auburn is a great school. Nowhere else in America can a man not be able to read and leave with a college degree. That's special.
Honestly, I love Auburn. Or maybe I pity them. Nah. It's neither.
Did you know that Geico actually charges Auburn 15 percent more for their car insurance?
Did you know that on the eighth day, God created Auburn? He needed a bathroom.
If you are an Auburn fan, you've probably stopped reading this because none of this is news to you and you get bored easy. Hey, look! Shiny things!
[caption id="attachment_316" align="alignright" width="240" caption="WWDD? -- What Would Diddy Do?"]
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Okay. The Auburn fans are probably gone now. Let's talk like adults now. Terry Bowden? That means you, too. You have to be at least 48 inches tall to ride this ride.
Speaking of Terry Bowden, his pronunciation of the word "daddy" was atrocious.
John Saunders: Terry, you are the son of Bobby Bowden. Did you talk to him over the holidays about the upcoming game?
Terry Bowden: Well, I talked to Diddy on Thanksgiving Day as he picked me up to put me in my booster seat at the dinner table. Diddy told me that Florida State was riddy to play. Diddy then told me to stop talking and finish my taters so I could eat some sweet tater pie. Diddy so crazy.
The above was taken from an actual transcript from ABC when Terry Bowden and John Saunders hosted a college football pre- and post-game show a few years ago. Don't think this is made up. It's so real.
I think I'll stop there because it's Thanksgiving and I need to be thinking about the things for which I am grateful.
I'm so thankful for never punching an Auburn fan in the forehead.
I'm also thankful for Auburn fans because we should all have someone to whom we can compare ourselves and feel better throughout the day.
I'm thankful for Auburn because their cows make great steak and the milk they produce make great shakes. Hey, maybe that's where Steak 'n Shake originated. To be safe, I better never step foot in there ever again.
I'm thankful I'm not an Auburn fan because they aren't classy like us Alabama fans.
I better go. My trailer's not going to pay for itself and Dairy Queen doesn't pay me to just sit around here and type on the interwebbings.
As a caller once said to Paul Finebaum, "PAAAAAAAAAAAW... Roll Tide."
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